


Take It Easy, Love (And So Will I)

by felinesandbeanies



Series: Conquer Me (You Already Have) [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Happy Ending, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 05:23:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17400836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felinesandbeanies/pseuds/felinesandbeanies
Summary: “I’m not leaving you,” Peter said, looking about ready to cry but all the fight in him was diminished. He was so tired. He wanted to be held but not held.“You need to, Pete, just....look at yourself. You’re tired and you’re mentally drained from being around me.”“I don’t want to leave,” Peter choked. “Don’t leave me. I don’t want to leave you.”ORTony and Peter are both so emotionally drained and depressed so they spend some time away from each other but, of course, they always come back to each other.





	Take It Easy, Love (And So Will I)

**Author's Note:**

> I got bored so I wrote stuff again. This was based on my recent breakdown.

Peter hunched over the toilet and heaved. He has not been eating well for five weeks and his sleeping patterns were in disarray. He thought he would be fine but it was bound to catch up to him at some point. It was starting to get bad again, bad enough that it was starting to manifest physically. His heightened sense picked up on elevator doors openings. 

A soft _DING!_ yet it made him wretch. It was already bad enough to have it, even worse since his senses were heightened. He just wanted it to be quiet, he just wanted it to be dark. He just wanted to die without the commitment of dying.

_But, Peter, we care for you! We love you!_

“I don’t give a fuck,” he snarled at no one as he wretched again. He gave a fuck...on good days. Today, however, is a bad day. The last thing on his mind was if anyone cared about him, he didn’t believe it right now. Peter only cared about trying to feel like himself again. 

“Peter?” 

“Tony,” Peter sighed, falling backwards on the cool bathroom tiles as he leaned his back on the wall. “Sorry for walking out without warning. I just...I can’t.” 

Tony tried not to blame himself. He was having a major depressive episode and Peter was failing to look after himself in favor of caring for Tony during this time but Tony’s episodes were much too long for anyone to not react to it, especially Peter. Tony understood that it was exhausting but it didn’t stop the sting he felt seeing Peter on the bathroom floor looking like he wanted to cry and disappear. 

“Are you alright, my love,” Tony said, sitting beside him. 

Peter knew that Tony only called him that if he was sick or dying. “I’m just tired...I’m just tired.” 

“You need some time away from me,” Tony said, fingers carding through Peter’s hair. “You need to breathe for a second.” 

“I’m not leaving you,” Peter said, looking about ready to cry but all the fight in him was diminished. He was so tired. He wanted to be held but not held. 

“You need to, Pete, just....look at yourself. You’re tired and you’re mentally drained from being around me.” 

“I don’t want to leave,” Peter choked. “Don’t leave me. I don’t want to leave you.”

“Peter, love, it’s not permanent,” Tony said. “It’s only until you’re mentally strong enough to be around me again. I need this too. I need to be alone with myself. When was the last time you listened to your own thoughts?” 

Peter bit his lip but he was crying anyway. Why was he feeling so damn emotional? “That’s not what I’m worried about.”

Tony finally understands what ‘leaving’ meant. “Peter, I’m not going to kill myself when you’re not here.” 

“I love you,” the younger man sobbed, his hands coming to clutch the front of Tony’s shirt. “I love you. I love you.” 

Tony held, Peter’s hands. “I love you too. This won’t be permanent and I won’t kill myself and I won’t come to hate you.”

Peter closed his eyes as if trying to swallow his thoughts. “We’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.” 

“Yes,” Tony agreed, leaning to kiss Peter’s forehead. “I’ll go pack some things.” 

“I’ll come join you,” Peter said, then he felt...or well he realized he couldn’t feel his legs. “...in a bit.” 

Tony smiled. “Let’s eat dinner together before I go. You craving for anything?” 

“Nothing too expensive,” Peter sighed. “I’m afraid it’s going to go to waste if I vomit it out.” 

Tony left the bathroom to go to their shared closet. He didn’t want to leave Peter alone but he knew how badly they needed to be away from each other. They were too good together and that’s why Tony needed to keep it from turning toxic and volatile. He didn’t want them to become hateful of each other. 

Beside, they’ve done it before. They’ve gone a few weeks without seeing each other. It was due to Peter’s college finals but it still counted. However, Peter had graduated ages ago and they were so used to each other’s presence by now. Tony without Peter for a long time was grumpy and uptight. Peter without Tony for a long time was gloom and doom. This was if they were having a good mental health streak. If not, it was best that they were left alone.

In conclusion, their relationship can handle a lot of space. It was damned if they couldn’t handle it. They were both independent and strong.

Tony packed a few shirts, making sure to not forget his underwear this time. “Can’t you leave that shirt?”

Tony raised his head to see Peter leaning on the door frame, face pale from his most recent episode. “I like this shirt.”

“Yeah but I like it more,” Peter said. Technically, it wasn’t a lie. He has seen Peter wear this beaten up Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt more than he did. 

Tony rolled his eyes and threw the green shirt at Peter. “There you go, kid.” 

“Where will you be staying?” 

“Japan.” 

“ _What?_ ”

“You sound surprised.” Tony continued to pack, making sure to role his clothes. He liked packing, it soothed him. 

“I expected like an apartment a few kilometers away,” Peter said exasperatedly. “Not another country.” 

“It’s quiet there and I won’t be near work,” Tony said. “I’m not that far from you. I’m taking the suit so that it’s faster.” 

Peter bit his lip, eyebrows knitting together. “I don’t know what to feel about this.” 

“What are you worried about?” 

“That you’re far.”

“That’s not a good enough answer to change my mind.” 

The younger man sighed. “Have it your way, Stark.” A beat of silence. “I’m going to miss you.”

“It’s only for a bit,” Tony said, trying to reassure him but who knows how long it’ll take him to recover. “And I’ll miss you just as much. Can I bring that forsaken sweater you love so much?” 

“The annual Christmas one?” Peter laughed. “Sure.” 

 

 

Dinner was silent. 

They opted to make easy meals and they figured that chicken noodle soup was easy and Peter could easily hold it down. Tony used to order take out all the time for the both of them or had FRIDAY call someone but there was that special day that Peter was home from college and they wanted to spend more time together and do more things together so they figured that they should try cooking together. 

At first, they cooked something simple like spaghetti and bolognese then it graduated to steak then they took it a step further and made asian food since western food started to taste repetitive and bland. 

“I actually made you something,” Peter said softly when they were close to finishing their meals. 

Tony looked up from his bowl, curious. “What is it?”

Peter handed him a small box and Tony opened it gently. It was an all black digital watch of some sort. He examined it curiously, there was nothing out of the ordinary. “I call it ‘Watch Out for Yourself’ ‘cause it reminds you that you should eat or that you should shower. I’m glad I finished it last night and it eases my worry a bit.” 

“You’re so fucking precious, you know that?” Tony said, immediately wearing the watch.

Peter smiled. “It’s waterproof, shockproof, and bulletproof—” well that was certainly a plus. “ —I also made a matching one for me. There’s an emergency feature there and it alerts me like if you’re having a panic attack and you need someone you can just sent an alert and I’ll be there. It’s also the same with mine.” 

Tony noticed that Peter’s own watch was red, he found it endearing. “I love it. Thank you.” 

“Tony. I’ll be here.” 

“I’ll always come back to you.”

* * *

Peter spent his days with the windows all open to let some fresh air inside. He made sure to leave Netflix on as he cleaned his home. The idle chatter of Friends in the background as he cleaned up their shared closet was fun. He was setting aside clothes that he would keep and donate, he tried to make it a metaphor for his mind. He needed to take some thoughts away and keep the good ones. 

The cool breeze from outside made him feel a bit better especially since it felt like it was taking away old energies that made him feel so trapped. 

He turned off his phone, his notifications weren’t helping him at all. Ned was texting him but he opted out of texting him back. He needed total isolation from everyone and everything. He knew it was unfair but he really didn’t think that updating anyone was _that_ important, they just needed to trust that he won’t off himself. 

It’s a bad habit of his to completely isolate. He stopped replying to friends and he stopped posting anything on his social media. There was no way to reach him and there’s this sense of peace within him that comes with it. He likes seeing the messages his friends send to check on him but that’s where it ends because it’s time for him to be shamelessly selfish.

At night, he slept in the guest bedroom. 

Their bedroom was too big and it made him feel unsafe since Tony wasn’t there beside him. The guest bedroom was smaller and he made sure to use all the pillows so that he was surrounded in a soft nest. He buried himself under the blankets, blasted the AC, and cuddled Tony’s shirt. 

He missed Tony but it was nice that he could focus on himself for a bit. He was beginning to resent Tony for always being too much but he knew they weren’t genuine thoughts, he was just really drained. He’s glad Tony took the initiative of them having some space between them because he was right...they needed this. 

However, he can’t deny that it was cold and he badly wanted someone to spoon him. 

 

 

Tony was doing very well.

Japan was so quiet and no one really minded him as he walked down the streets. He picked Nara since it was a good quiet place with nature surrounding him everywhere. He can even walk with deers following him. 

The change of scenery was certainly favorable, it made him focus better. If he was still in New York he knew that he’d disassociate and walk around dumbly and aimlessly, his sense shifting to autopilot since it was a familiar environment to him.

_“Have you eaten yet, Tony?”_

He smiled as he heard his watch ring. How sweet of Peter to record himself and put it in here. “I haven’t yet, Pete, but I’m going to a nice place just down the block.”

 _“Sounds good.”_

He spent most of his days walking around and just observing the location, he would even take trains to nowhere, genuinely curious about everything. He found himself taking honest interest in temples and even the different plant life there. It was so different, it was less mechanical and dead. This place had life in it.

It was nice when he finally accepted the fact that he was depressed. The lack of denial made it much more easier to find a way to cope with things better. He finally felt a sense of validation, strengthened when he finally went on an appointment with a therapist. The first few therapists didn’t work well with him but once he found the best one, he was in it for the long run. He didn’t know how he survived without his current therapist. 

His fingers itched so bad sometimes during his stay, he wanted to tinker with something which is why he bought different Japanese puzzles that he found so much pleasure in. 

He especially loved the small Japanese home he was staying in, everything was so small and compact that he felt secure. He didn’t need to fill the spaces, he didn’t need to think too hard about things. Everything was just so smart and straightforward. He loved that the simplicity of life the country provided him. He loved that he didn’t understand what they were saying sometimes. 

He was depressed.

 _But he was depressed in Japan._

In the past, he would take trips so that he’d forget about his depression but this time it’s different because this time it followed him to Japan. He figured that it wasn’t the place, it was him. There is no escaping something like this.

Why was he so afraid of his own mental illness rather than any of the enemies he’s ever fought? Maybe it’s ‘cause this is the most realistic thing, the most unbeatable thing.

Perhaps it’s because he knew fighting someone had to end with someone getting hurt or dying but depression had no end. It doesn’t end but it gets easier. It was possible to get hurt and die but it’d be by his own hands and he realized that he didn’t want to go about it in that way especially since he knows there’s no reason to die just as much as there is no reason as to why he exists.

“Good night.” 

_“Good night, Tony. I love you.”_

* * *

Peter had finally fully recovered after one month. 

He felt like he gained some sense of self back, especially, since he finally read some self-help books. People thought he was dead but really he was just binge watching odd videos on Youtube and Netflix, reading books, cooking more, organizing their things, and meditating. He didn’t know why but he also picked up knitting as hobby somewhere along the way. 

But he wanted human contact and he wanted it to be Tony.

He started to feel insecure as to when Tony will come back—if he’ll even come back but he trusted Tony and he knew that, no matter what, he would come home. 

Peter started to contemplate whether or not he should go to Japan and just look for him but that would be a breach of privacy. He knew that it took Tony more time to recover than he did, knew that it was harder for Tony to get back up again but that’s the thing...Tony always got back up. He realized that no matter how much the older man scared him, he would always get back up. Tony Stark did not stay down for too long.

“FRIDAY?” 

“Yes, Peter.” 

“Where is...” 

“Mr. Stark asked me not to disclose his location.” 

Well, that stung. “Oh.” 

“Mr. Stark’s anxiety levels have been at a normal percentage. He has been eating and sleeping in consistent cycles.” 

It brought a smile to Peter’s face. “Oh.”

He stood up from their shared bed and looked around. It was clean and open, ready for things to go back to normal. Peter grabbed his backpack and walked out of the room. “FRIDAY, I’m going out for a bit. I’m going to meet with Ned.” 

“Okay, Peter.” 

During one of Peter’s meditation sessions, he realized that he didn’t like talking to certain people. He was just too nice to say it, he was just too nice to ever end the conversation with them but ever since he dropped the conversations and focused on himself, he slowly gained some of his energy back. He realized that he’d only focus his energy on the people he liked talking to. It might be a small number but it’s enough. 

**[To: Ned] Video games at the cave?**

**[Fr: Ned] Oh my god dude you’re alive. Meet you there.**

**[To: Ned] Sounds good**

****

It’s time to finally have human contact.

 

 

It had been two months since they had decided to give each other space. Tony had thought his episode would never end especially since it’s been half a year since it started but then he woke up one day and he felt... _okay._ He finally felt like he was genuinely okay, like the world isn’t crashing. He looked at the puzzles that were littered across his room and he felt lighter. 

He started to pack his things, making sure to disassemble all the puzzles because he knew Peter would love to give them a try and also because it was easier to pack. He bought some melon flavored chocolates for Peter because he knew the younger man would love those. He also bought matcha powder since he wanted to bake with them. 

The fly home was exhilarating, he finally felt _excited_ again. He was so excited to go home to Peter. He was so excited to go home. _Home._

“FRIDAY, I’m finally coming home.” 

“That’s great, boss. Peter has been asking about you.” 

His heart fluttered. “Really?”

“I did not disclose your location but he always asked if you ate well.” 

“Can’t wait to get the fuck home.” 

It was morning when he arrived so he decided to cook breakfast. Luckily, the fridge was heavily stocked. He’d normally cook breakfast with Peter but he thought it could be a surprise.

Tony didn’t know how to actually flip an omelette so he just threw in the eggs and the cheese in one pan and mixed. He wanted it to be fluffy anyway, he hated dry eggs. He had just placed the eggs on the plate when...

“Tony?” 

Tony looked up at the ceiling, confusion turning into a big smile. “Good morning.” 

“ _Tony_.” Peter jumped off the ceilings and into Tony’s open arms. “You’re home! Welcome home! I missed you so much.” 

Tony held him tight, planting a kiss on the crown of his head. “I’m home, Peter. Also, I thought I told you that I was too old for you to do something like that.” 

Peter pulled away slightly, pouting. “You were away for two months okay, it’s not like waking up to the smell of food was normal.” 

“How was your time here?” Tony continued to place some bread in the toaster with Peter still clinging on his hip. 

“Fun,” Peter replied, arms around Tony’s neck and legs around Tony’s hips. “I organized a lot.” 

“Are those what the boxes are for?” Tony asked, eyeing the boxes by the entrance. 

Peter nodded. “Yeah I waited for you in case you had some clothes to donate.”

“Sounds good,” Tony said. “We can do that together.”

“How was Japan?” Peter asked. 

“It was nice there. A deer head butted my ass but it was fine.” Tony tried not to laugh as Peter tried to grab some plates and utensils from their less than helpful position. “I brought home some puzzles, chocolates, and matcha powder.” 

“Oh,” Peter gasped, eyes wide. “We can make matcha pancakes.” 

Tony felt himself smile. “Of course. Hey, I missed you.” 

“I missed you too,” Peter smiled, giving him a quick peck on the lips. “Thank you for doing that to us by the way, we both needed it.” 

“Now, we’re together again and we can be better.” Tony adjusted so that Peter was sat on top of the kitchen counter and he was stood in between his legs. Peter still had his arms wrapped around the older man’s neck. 

Tony leaned up to kiss him, tasting the familiar minty toothpaste and he knew that he was going to find an uncapped toothpaste there on their bathroom sink but he didn’t care because it was familiar and warm. “So...you brushed your teeth huh?”

Peter blushed and huffed. “Well, I figured that it might be you and it would be embarrassing to kiss you with rancid breath.”

“You’ve been watching your posh shows again,” Tony chuckled. 

“Hard as it may be to believe but I wasn’t standing outside the balcony and thinking about you. I could do that while watching my shows.”

“Well, thanks.” Tony laughed.

Peter nodded, knowing that he had this big dumb smile on his face. “Welcome home, Tony.” 

“Good to be home.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments? Kudos? You decide but thank you for reading!


End file.
